You can caress my hair at your own risk…

But why you gotta touch my hair…?


Classic movie moment

Caught up in the moment…glaring at each other like love sick puppies…whispering sweet nothings to each other…then guy extends his hand over to his lady’s love hair…caressing it slowly and gently…up and down….hmmm *sigh* beautiful isn’t it…Movie sell us dreams I tell you…

I and a few of my girlfriends however find this gesture to be rather uncomfortable…and for some reason guy wants to caress your hair on your worst hair day…like when your weave tracks have loosened to the point that they could fall out at any minute…or when you have so  much hair growth that not even a straightener can help out…hahahahaha worse your braids are hanging right at the end of your hair tips that one touch could result in a one way trip to the bottom of the floor….oh and how can we forget that dandruff  that is comfortably chilling on your scalp with no intention to go any where but to sit and  absorb the moisture *yikes*…then guy wants to caress you with all of that….ooohhh and  his fingers get tangled up … suddenly there is a tug of war  with my hair… hold up one sec lover boy….*not romantic*…

So we can glare at each other and whisper sweet nothings but can we just leave my hair out of it…I’ll caress yours instead but only you have a brush cut…

*excuse me while I sort out my hair*



“She would rather undress in the DARK”

“I don’t want him to see my scar and stretch marks. I would rather undress in the dark” she says…

In the real world there is no body double, just the dark….Image

The other day I was talking to a guy friend of mine and he was telling me that his girlfriend was so self-conscious about her body because of her deep wounded operation scar and stretch marks, that she refused to allow him to see her naked…It was so bad in fact that the one time he suggested that they bath together, she went in the bath tub with her T-shirt on… Their intimate moments were spent in the dark, he never knew what she looked like  beneath her clothes, only how her skin felt…he could only imagine…

It made me ponder how stressful that must be, to think that there  must be many women out there who do the same thing and would probably never admit to it…its …We watch slender  flawless skinned women parade in their swimsuits and lingerie in movies, music videos, magazines etc … depictions of ideal,  celebrated standards of beauty… and secretly we want to look that way because we want to be desired and wanted but we look at those stretch marks… those deep scars that just won’t go away (well unless you thousands of rands for cosmetic surgery)  and we can’t bear to look at ourselves in the mirror let alone let someone else…so we disguise ourselves with the dark…

” Until I learn to accept myself as I am or can afford to do something about it…I shall undress in the dark”…she says

Accepting your flaws is not as easy as it sounds, its a journey; probably a life-long one for a lot of us…but neccessary if we ever to achieve true happiness with ourselves…and besides….life would be boring if we all looked the same…

...So to you Sir over there…Its either you kiss me with all my scars and blemishes or leave me alone…


Image sourced:

The glitches that lay beneath

Sourced from: mitsy magicful

Oh yes there she is, looking absolutely breath-taking in that dress…the perfect 10 isn’t she…

hahahahaha…if only you knew all the malfunctions that lay beneath …

So the other day, my mum was getting to ready for a very important interview. She had bought an amazing looking little black number, you know that one that just accentuates your

curves and makes even the bumpy parts look nice and firm….*yep that one*…Anyway so being the perfectionists that she is, she decided that the dress needed some ironing even though it

looked perfectly fine to me….Then you can only guess what happened next…yep she burnt the dress…butttt that wasn’t going to stop her from wearing her new dress…so she decided to

patch it up with a bit of black polish…which was fine because it was a small burn and the dress was black, so it wasn’t very noticeable (oh so she though)…After that she decided to put

on some stockings because it was a bit chilly that day…as with any women’s nightmare, the stockings started to run…so she decided to quickly stop the run with nail polish …which

worked fine because the dress was long enough to cover the run…and then when we thought things couldn’t get worse, the button at the back of the dress fell out and no it wasn’t one of

those sewed in type, it was glued to the dress)…By some miracle she found glue to stick on and then sat on the button for about 15 minutes so that it would stick on the dress…After some

time, she reappeared all dressed up and ready to rock and roll and as great as she looked, I just hoped that the look would stay intact with all the malfunctions that lay beneath.

Beauty is pain and drama I tell you, the perfect look isn’t so polished underneath…I guess the perfect 10 isn’t so perfect after all

#wardrobe malfunctions

After “the honeymoon”

What happens when the butterflies go away…?, when that giddy laugh fades away….?, when that can’t stop thinking about him/her look dwindles…?

Romantic Movies have  happy ever afters because everything starts and  ends with the honeymoon phase….We don’t see the grind, the day-to-day efforts of  making love  work….But in reality we grow out of the honeymoon phase and we begin to realize that there is practicality that comes with keeping real love alive….certain quality traits surface that we don’t like, that aren’t ideal, that were hidden in the beginning and we struggle, we fight, we break-up and make-up trying to hold on to the honey moon…we want it to last  because movies imply that they do….


….Yes those butterflies feel damn good and we should enjoy them while they last BUT we should also accept  it when they are gone…


An unlikely encounter: it involves a sandwich and a deep Zulu accent

tired all starshahahaha, just thinking about this story cracks me up…

okay okay so this is how it went down….

I had just knocked off work and decided to go the library. On my way up the stairs, I see a lonely,tired not too bad-looking guy sitting down, salvaging what looked like a two slice Sandwich stuffed with cheese and polony, *boy was he hungry you would swear the sandwich was going to  run away*…Anyway as I approach the stairs he says pointing out his sandwich; “Would you like to join me” (in the deepest Zulu accent)… In my response I pause, confused thinking to my self ” Did this boy just ask me to join him with his half eaten homemade  sandwich, wearing worn out All-stars that look like that they have been passed down  3 generations’…So I smirk and he has this serious look on his face as if he is proposing marriage and then I burst out laughing…*thinking Zulu man is serious right now, he is tryna push game*…and then he started laughing too, hahahaha… So we laugh for a minute and as the laugh slowly fades away he says “well a sandwich is all I had, you know, I had to try something”….ncahhh, yeah I know quite sweet…He might not have had roses or chocolate but I was humbled….


Yes we “DO” settle

So we talk about the perfect guy, the perfect lady…

“He must be tall, dark and have big strong arms  or “long soft hair with a slim figure and cooks for me every night” (they say)… But how many of us actually ever get the perfect combination, you know the one that has it all?… The answer is that we don’t… he might be tall and masculine and buys you flowers and roses but chances are he will lack in something one way or another; be it his arrogance, a dry sense of humor , an uncontrollable temper , a really bad breath (add lots of Stimrol on the shopping list) or a really hairy chest that could hide an anaconda. 

The point is there are certain things that we learn to tolerate and accept in our partners that we don’t necessarily like in spite of their good looks and charm or bad looks and great personality.

So when they say don’t settle, they actually mean settle for whats best for you.

So what are you willing to put up with…?

This is the real world, it ain’t no movie…


(this entry was inspired by a conversation between two close friends of mine, Sindi and Kenosi. Thank you guys)

“The Exception”

May I introduce to you the inspiration for my blog…

“Blue Valentine”: Starring Ryan Gosling (no its not because he’s cute)

This movie is so real and raw, it almost seems unedited. Its definitely a better representation of love in the real world

In the words of Ryan: “we always striving for this idea of perfect love that only really exist in movies”

“That accidental moment”

It was love at first sight they say…. oh Reali?

The infamous “accidentally bumping into each” other movie moment…

Okay, I don’t know if you have noticed but you know how in most romantic movies, there is always that scene when the two main characters accidentally bump into each other and then sparks fly, love is in the air and they can’t take their eyes of each other and of course everything happens in slow motion just to capture the magical moment….’The perfect picture”…

Errrr no….Replay that into the real world, chances are that when you do bump into someone, you apologize (if you’re decent enough) ,you help the girl pick up her things (if you are a gentleman) and then bounce…

There are no sparks in the air or love at first sight for that matter, you probably irritated because some fool bumped into you, worse; spilled your/his coffee on that sexy dress/shirt you’ve been dying to wear… Although, I will excuse you if you’re easy on the eye…( *hides*)

Have you ever had one of those moments…?


(sourced from movie clips)

Kissing in the rain is NOT for black girls

The infamous “kiss in the rain” movie scene….

Yes, yes I know kissing in the rain looks really romantic and spontaneous in the movies but we black girls and our hair don’t mix with water, right ladies…?

Dark & lovely and the lips are just not a match. We all know that once water hits your hair, all that hair food and moisturizer drips with it…* not tasty at all*

So as great as it looks in the movies, we can kiss under a shelter, thank you very much. (unless you don’t mind blow drying my hair).

video sourced from: we live in film (“The host” movie)